Flux Lounge


Air Mata Hati

Air mata ini
Yang gugur bertahun-tahun selepas
Hati jadi dingin dan bicara jadi beku
Seperti tidak membawa maksud apa-apa lagi..

Kata cinta terus jadi rahsia antara kita
Terselindung dalam maksud yang paling layap
Rahsia yang disimpan dibawah agama
Rahsia seperti hal-halnya Tuhan
Baru kini aku ketahui, kau kerap mengirimnya di dalam
Setiap doa-doa yang
Tak pernah walau sekalipun dilalaikan..

Sekarang ini, diantara angin dan waktu
Aku basahkan tanah pusara dengan
Air mata dari hati
Yang sepatutnya mencurah
Segala rasa sayang rindu
Bertahun-tahun dahulu..

Hanya tanah merah ini sempat aku sentuh
Dan kamu tetap menjauh..

Bebahagialah..
Kini waktunya sudah sampai untuk aku pula menangis
Dan mengirim bait-bait cinta (dan nama)
Dari dalam doa sambil merelakan mata melepaskan nisan
Entah sampai bila..

Aku basah..
Aku rebah..

al-Fatihah buat Allahyarhamah Suraya Binti Kapten Dato’ Yahaya
(Disember 22, 1980 – Mac 16, 2009)



Remember… Remember… 16th of September…

Remember… Remember 16th of September
(Taken and adjusted from Guy Fawkes Night’s traditional themes – And hopefully may do changes for us Malaysian…)

Remember… Remember the 16 of September
The overtaking government and plot
I know of no reason
Why overtaking the government
Should ever be forgot
Anwar for PM, Anwar for PM, t’was our intent
To kick Abdullah and his cronies out of Putrajaya
32 Parliament members and a few fellow
To prove old Malaysian’s overthrow
By God’s providence we will succeed
With a dark lantern and burning match
Holla boys, holla boys, we will be unstoppable
Holla boys, holla boys, God will save the people…!



Dialog Antara Jamban Setinggan II

Dialog Antara Jamban Setinggan II

Hey Brader Mar…
Dengar tak?
Tanah air ini terlalu kacau
Sebangsa seteru;
Seagama ragu;
Sekeluarga buru
Bahasa dan hati tak sebati;
Saran dan janji lebih berjudi
Memang kita dipintas sejauh ini
Kita khayal bermimpi
Hingga dini
Juga gemar berbalah
Hingga ke senja
Brader Haen, dengar!
Dengar tak?
Hei Brader Haen,
Kita bakal dimarahi nanti?
Marah? Brader Mar?
Hoi brader…
Dialog jamban siapa peduli?

A Samd Said
Malam Puisi Bulanan Negeri Melaka Ogos, 2008



When Everything Turned Upside Down…
August 4, 2008, 3:58 am
Filed under: Life, Poems & Poetry | Tags: , , , , ,

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I started to feel fed up and give up on everything. Life, career, music, car racing, motocross… You name it. It’s everything! Suddenly everything become the most fucked up issues in my life. I’ve lost interest in everything and nothing in this world could ever impress me like they used to…

I’ve talk to Burn just now. Pelita Bangsar… Telling him how I feel deep inside me. How I felt that I’ve done something that I regret the most… I don’t know what but there’s a few things that I’ve started to felt regret… And how these feeling inside me growing and taking me back to my darkest moment in life back in 10 to 15 years ago… I don’t want that life anymore! But what’s the used of life when you can’t have the things you want most in your life? You work hard for it but it’s still meaningless and unachievable.. What’s the meaning of life when there’s no one to share your dreams, passion and interest…? I mean it! NO ONE!

Some may say that I have my family, friends around me that should bring a thousand meaning in my life… But the truth is I’m still here alone… No one did ever go with my way, walk in my path, think like I do, listen to whatever my words is and much much more…

Oh God.. I don’t know if this is the end of me… I’m losing grips on everything… Including me, my life and so on… The words that I told Burn just know keep on playing in my head again and again and again…

“Which one do you prefer… To suffer with pride on this very earth or be condemned forever in hell? – Both is suffering and painful to be…”

I know… I’m fucked!



Belia Benci…

Abdullah Taik Minyak

Belia Benci Dadah
Belia Benci Dedah
Belia Benci Pak Lah

Ayuh belia semua, tunjukkan kebencian pada Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, Barisan Nasional dan ahli/wakil UMNO yang korup!

P/S: Mawi yang cakap ni… Bukan aku! 😀



Stuff That Stuck In My Head #2

Berita Kepada Kawan
(Buat Sahabat-Sahabat Yang Kian Lalai Dan Engkar)

Perjalanan ini…
Terasa sangat menyedihkan
Sayang… Engkau tak duduk di sampingku kawan
Banyak cerita yang mestinya kau saksikan
Di tanah kering berbatuan…

Tubuh ku terguncang di hempas batu jalanan
Hati tergetar menampak kering rerumputan
Perjalan ini…
Seperti jadi saksi
Gembala kecil menangis sedih…

Kawan coba dengar apa jawabnya
Ketika ia ku tanya “Mengapa?”
Bapak ibunya telah lama mati
Ditelan bencana tanah ini

Sesampainya di laut ku khabarkan semuanya..
Kepada karang.. kepada ombak.. kepada matahari..
Tetapi semua diam.. tetapi semua bisu..
Tinggal aku sendiri terpaku menatap langit..

Barangkali di sana ada jawabnya
Mengapa di tanahku terjadi bencana

Mungkin Tuhan mulai bosan..
Melihat tingkah kita..
Yang selalu salah dan bangga dengan dosa-dosa..

Atau alam mulai enggan..
Bersahabat dengan kita..
Coba kita bertanya pada rumput yang bergoyang..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Anak-Anak Kita
(Buat Ibu Bapa Yang Risau Akan Masa Depan Anak-Anak… Fikir)

Anak-anak kitakah yang berlari telanjang
Di bawah mentari sumbing
Sambil menyanyi lagu
Ketakutan hari-hari ini

Anak-anak kitakah yang memikul beban
Kesilapan kita
Hingga dia tak kenal
Budaya canggung bangsa sendiri

Selamatkan anak kita
Dari padang jerangkap samar
Selamatkan anak kita
Orde baru politikus usang

Anak-anak kitakah yang bermain
Di hutan belukar
Dengan senapang kayu ubi
Cambah tak kenal bahaya

Anak-anak kitakah yang tak tahu nak pulang
Bila petang
kerana terlalu sibuk main lastik
Dan berpistolan
Pistol-pistolan

Jaga-jaga anak kita
Jangan sampai jadi hamba
Jaga-jaga anak kita
Kita ini orang merdeka

Panggillah mereka pulang
Ayah nak ajar
Tentang kurang ajar
Jadi mereka takkan sendiri lagi

Panggillah mereka pulang
Ayah nak ajar
Tentang kurang ajar
Jadi mereka takkan dimomok lagi

Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan tukang karut itu?
Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan dalang wayang itu?
Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan ahli koporat itu?
Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan doktor jiwa itu?
Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan pakar kitab itu?
Fikir…
Selamatkah kita di tangan tuhan-tuhan itu?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tanya Sama Itu Hud-Hud
(Dalam kalut ada peraturan, Peraturan cipta kekalutan, Di mana pula kau berdiri..? Aku di sini!)

Tujuh puluh tiga pintu
Tujuh puluh tiga jalan
Yang sampai hanya satu jalan

Beribu-ribu Margasatua
Mencari raja si Muraq
Yang sampai hanya tiga puluh

Ooh… Sang Algojo
Ooh… nanti dulu

Lihat dunia dari mata burung
Atau dari dalam tempurung
Yang mana satu engkau pilih
Dalam kalut ada peraturan
Peraturan mencipta kekalutan
Di mana pula kau berdiri?

Di sini

Ooh… Sang Algojo
Ooh… nanti dulu

Berikan ku kesempatan akhir ini
Untuk menyatakan kalimah sebenarnya

Berikan aku kesempatan akhir ini
Lai lai la lai la lai

“Tanya sama itu hud-hud
Lang mensilang
Kui mengsikui
Kerna dia yang terbangkan ku ke mari”



Stuff That Stuck In My Head #1
April 1, 2008, 9:46 pm
Filed under: Life, Music, Poems & Poetry

Communication

For 27 years I’ve been trying to believe and confide in
Different people I’ve found
Some of them got closer than others
And someone wouldn’t even bother and then you came around
I didn’t really know what to call you, you didn’t know me at all
But I was happy to explain
I never really knew how to move you
So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins
And I saw you
But that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

You always seem to know where to find me and I’m still here behind you
In the corner of your eye
I’ll never really learn how to love you
But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky

Where I see you
And that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

Well this is an invitation
It’s not a threat
If you want communication
That’s what you get
I’m talking and talking
But I don’t know
How to connect
And I hold a record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation
I need you, you want me
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect
I disconnect…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Couldn’t Care Less

Oh my heart can’t carry much more
It’s really, really aching and sore
My heart don’t care anymore
I really can’t bear more
My hands don’t work like before
I shiver and I scrape at your door
My heart can’t carry much more
But you couldn’t care less
Could you?

Your face don’t look like before
It’s really not like yours anymore
Your eyes don’t like me no more
They quiver and they shift to the floor
My heart don’t beat like before
It’s never been this slow
No my blood don’t flow anymore
And you couldn’t care less
Could you?

Could we stop and sleep for a spell
We can turn this ditch into a well
And send that old devil back to hell
But we really don’t care do we

Baby let’s stop and sleep for a spell
We can turn this ditch into a well
And send that old devil back to hell

Your back’s not straight like before
You really shouldn’t carry me no more
I’m much too heavy for you
I’m really quite a mess, yes
We just don’t care anymore
We’re crooked and were cut to the core
We’re just not there anymore
But we really don’t care do we
No, we couldn’t care less
We couldn’t care less
Could we?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

For What It’s Worth

Hey baby come round
Keep holding me down
And I’ll be keeping you up tonight
The four letter word got stuck in my head
The dirtiest word that I’ve ever said
It’s making me feel alright
For what it’s worth, I love you
And what is worse, I really do
For what it’s worth, I’m gonna run run run
‘Til the sweetness gets to you
And what is worse I love you!

Hey please baby come back
There’ll be no more loving attack
And I’ll be keeping it cool tonight
The four letter word is out of my head
Come on around, get back in my bed
Keep making me feel alright
For what it’s worth, I like you
And what is worse, I really do
Things have been worse
And we had fun fun fun
‘Til I said I love you
And what is worse, I really do!

For what it’s worth, I love you
And what is worse, I really do…



Half Life
October 23, 2007, 11:33 pm
Filed under: Music, Poems & Poetry

Half life wastes before it goes
It’s funny how your bee sting touch never leaves me whole
It’s not enough to stay here almost trying
You keep your last laugh watch this dying
It’s just your half time vertigo
And if you want an answer, I don’t know

If you had completed me
Don’t think I’d be pleased with you
Don’t think I’d compete with you
With half of me to take

Half life nothing I’d call home
It’s lucky how these phantom limb bee stings never show
It’s not enough to leave this falling kindly
You burn my star down twice as brightly
It’s just your half light undertow
But if you need forgiveness, I don’t know

If you had completed me
Don’t think I’d be pleased with you
Don’t think I’d compete with you
With half of me to take

Half light breaks with nothing wrong
Just a corner of my bed where you don’t belong
It’s kind of you to notice no-one’s dying
You had your last laugh, almost crying
It’s just your half life long to know
And if you need a reason, so it goes

If you had completed me
Don’t think I’d be pleased with you
Don’t think I’d compete with you
With half of me to take



Bila Aku Menangis Lagi
April 1, 2007, 2:57 pm
Filed under: Life, Poems & Poetry

I Cry A Lot

Aku menangis…
Kenapa?
Tanpa aku sedar
Lebat air mata jatuh
Tanpa aku sedar
Mata ini merah kembali…

Aku menangis lagi…
Kenapa?
Mungkin aku gembira
Hari indah kian menjelma
Tanpa aku sedar
Detik saat semakin suntuk
Buat segala-galanya…

Aku menangis lagi…
Kenapa?
Mungkin aku sedih
Hantu zaman silam kembali menjengah
Tanpa aku rela
Diragut saat-saat kejam aku
Saat-saat hati dan perasaan merajai
Melebihi akal…

Aku masih menangis…
Walau para taulan menegah
Walau aku seorang lelaki
Walau masa tiada mahu henti
Aku tetap menangis
Entah bila akan kering
Air mata ini
Mungkin hingga hujung nyawa nanti…

Kesalkah aku dengan perbuatan ku dulu..?
Demi Allah dan Rasul
Ampunkan aku dunia akhirat…

Aku terus menangis dan akan tetap menangis…



Open (The Way The Rain Comes Down Hard, That’s How I Feel Inside)
March 27, 2007, 2:16 pm
Filed under: Life, Music, Poems & Poetry

i really don’t know what i’m doing here
i really think i should’ve gone to bed tonight but…
just one drink
and there’re some people to meet you
i think that you’ll like them
i have to say we do
and i promise in less than an hour we will honestly go
NOW WHY DON’T I JUST GET YOU ANOTHER
WHILE YOU JUST SAY HELLO…

yeah just say hello…

so i’m clutching it tight
another glass in my hand
and my mouth and the smiles
moving up as i stand up
too close and too wide
and the smiles are too bright
and i breathe in too deep
and my head’s getting light

but the air is getting heavier and it’s closer
and i’m starting to sway
and the hands on all my shoulders don’t have names
and they won’t go away
so here i go
here i go again…

falling into strangers
and it’s only just eleven
ans i’m staring like a child
until someone slips me heaven
and i take it on my knees
just like a thousand times before
and i get transfixed
that fixed…

and i’m just looking at the floor…
just looking at the floor…
yeah i look at the floor…

and i’m starting to laugh
like an animal in pain
and i’ve got blood on my hands
and i’ve got hands in my brain
and the first short retch
leaves me gasping for more
and i stagger over screaming
on my way to the floor

and i’m back on my back
with the lights and the lies in my eyes
and the colour and the music’s too loud
and my head’s all the wrong size
so here i go…

here i go again…

yeah i laugh and i jump
and i sing and i laugh
and i dance and i laugh
and i laugh and i laugh
and i can’t seem to think
where this is
who i am
why i’m keeping this going
keep pouring it out
keep pouring it down…
keeping it going
keep pouring it down…

AND THE WAY THE RAIN COMES DOWN HARD
THAT’S THE WAY I FEEL INSIDE…

i can’t take it anymore
this it i’ve become
this is it like i get
when my life’s going numb
i just keep moving my mouth
i just keep moving my feet
I SAY I’M LOVING YOU TO DEATH
LIKE I’M LOSING MY BREATH

AND ALL THE SMILES THAT I WEAR
AND ALL THE GAMES THAT I PLAY
AND ALL THE DRINKS THAT I MIX
AND I DRINK UNTIL I’M SICK
AND ALL THE FACES THAT I MAKE
AND ALL THE SHAPES THAT I THROW
AND ALL THE PEOPLE I MEET
AND ALL THE WORDS THAT I KNOW
MAKES ME SICK TO THE HEART…
OH I FEEL SO TIRED…

AND THE WAY THE RAIN COMES DOWN HARD
THAT’S HOW I FEEL INSIDE…

THE WAY THE RAIN COMES DOWN HARD
THAT’S HOW I FEEL INSIDE…

THE WAY THE RAIN COMES DOWN HARD
THAT’S HOW I FEEL INSIDE…



行き止まり (Dead End)
March 14, 2007, 6:15 pm
Filed under: Life, Poems & Poetry

私は終りを見つけた
道の終り, 世界の端
私は終りを見つけた
私の生命の終り, 私の希望の終り

私はその夜叫んでいることを覚えていた
それは私のアームにあった近い保持する
私は私がライトが付いている世界を照らすことができることを望む
そして明るいへの変更された暗闇

毎夜を私達一緒に使うことを持つために覚えているか?
私はほとんど皮およびリップが羽のように味がすることを信じる
あなた及び私は私のベッドと話す
それは私が眠らせた見事に愚かな事である

私達は終りに来る持っている
喜びの終わり, 笑いの終り
私達は終りに来る持っている
私達の視野および私達の愛と

触れられていない…
触れられていない…
終りの部品で触れられていない…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I think i’ve reach the end
End of the road, end of the world
I think I’ve reach the end
End of my life, end of my hopes

I remembered that time you rained all night
You were in my arms and i hold you tight
How i wish i could shined your world with lights
And turn all the darkness to bright

Do you remember each night we’ve spend together?
I almost believe your skin and lips taste like feather
Do you remember we talk all night long on a bed?
It’s the most gorgeously stupid thing I ever slept

I think we’ve reach the end
End of joy, end of laugh
I think we’ve reach the end
With our vision and our love…

Remain untouched…
Remain untouched…
Remain untouched on a dead end…

Pantai Hillpark
February 28, 2007



Walking In My Shoes
December 21, 2006, 9:55 pm
Filed under: Blogroll, Life, Photo, Poems & Poetry

Walk

I would tell you about the things they put me through
The pain I’ve been subjected to
But the Lord himself would be blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fate’s made of me
But I promise now, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldn’t have been purer
My case is easy to see

I’m not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what I’ve been through
And before we talk of any repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes



I’m In A Hospital
December 14, 2006, 1:57 am
Filed under: Photo, Poems & Poetry

Hospital

I’m in a hospital
Nurses in white
Doctors in blue
I’m in a hospital
In another world
Without you